Alex James: fucktarded cheese twat

Posted: January 18, 2012 in Writing
Tags: , , , ,

I don’t read the Sun newspaper often, but I’m usually glad when I do. Not because there’s ever anything informative or insightful or useful, but because there’s usually something to make you laugh. Today it was former Blur bassist and career tit Alex James, promoting Mickey D’s and KFC.

You can see the full article here.

But really, don’t bother. I’m giving you the highlights (although then you’ll pretty much have to check the original article to see that I’m not making it up).

James (a man who has frequently boasted of dropping over £1million on champagne and cocaine like some grinning, lottery-winning Chav, and is currently in litigation with a bunch of locals after the festival he organised on his farm (dubbed Worstival by The Guardian newspaper) lost a shit ton of cash and he decided not to pay anyone who’d worked for him, including a local primary school), was invited on a tour of the processing centres of McDonalds, Greggs and KFC.

He likens McDonalds to a ‘Michelin starred restaurant’, describes their buns as ‘crunchy but fluffy‘, claims they make ‘the perfect quarter pounder’ and is repeatedly ‘dazzled‘ by the whole cow-shredding operation. See, now you’re going to have to check that he really said all that shit.

The best part though is when he virtually spooges himself talking about the ‘awesome seasoning’ they put on their burgers, which he was lucky enough to be allowed to take home and has started using in his home-baked bread. Then reveals that according to McD’s, the ‘awesome seasoning is  nothing more than salt and pepper – awesome indeed.

James sells food for a living. Not to me, obv. ( I tried some of his cheese once – Little Wallop, £7 for 250g and it tasted like sour margarine spread on  wet leaves – and not even good margarine), but that’s what he does. Not sure he’s going to be selling much any more.

This piece give a nice little view of his recent behaviour, and describes him beautifully both as’ David Cameron’s fluffer’ and as a ‘cheesing bellend’.

On another matter entirely, here is pic of today’s coffee:

photo.JPG

which I am drinking in lovely Crouch End cafe, Riley’s. The coffee is very good, a little biscuity. You can see I have gone for a latte today; taking it easy after yesterday’s debacle.

Today’s haiku:

Eight shots of coffee.

I felt a little jumpy.

And peed like a horse.

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Comments
  1. jmwinspear says:

    Nice post, just reached the lowest ebb at work and it cheered me up no end. Cameron’s fluffer, magic.

  2. caljacobs says:

    No prob, Bro. The lowest ebb? That sounds bad.

  3. Jay says:

    Just found this now. Awesome read.

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