Publish and be… oh man, that looks like a lot of work, maybe I won’t bother.

Posted: January 23, 2012 in coffee, consumerism, crouch end, Writing
Tags: , , , ,

So today I made a big decision… I am going to self-publish.

I know what you’re thinking – vanity publishing. Yuech! Well, there was a time where I would never have even considered this route. Ever since I wanted to be a writer I wanted to do it a certain way, i.e. have a big publishing house call me a goddamn literary genius and throw a shit-ton of cash at me for my work. I haven’t exactly given up on this, but it looks like there may be other ways to go about it.

E-books, so I’m led to believe, are the future. And setting up your own E-book seems to be pretty simple and has none (okay , not so much) of the stigma of vanity press.

Well, you know simple is as simple does. I have spent the last 4 hours reading the instructions on Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing, and the Smashwords website, and it honestly looks like a massive fucking hassle. There’s all this shit about formatting, file types, blah blah blah, not to mention creating some kind of cover image.

This is not stuff I do well.

I can bake bread, I’m nice to my kids,I like to think I can write a little, but tech stuff? That’s a big no. The only reason I’m able to write this blog at all is with a good deal of help from my Canadian buddy, Andrew.

Anyway, I’m going to do it. My first novel House of Dreams is going to be available to download, er, well pretty soon.

I’d very much appreciate you checking it out and like, you know, buying it.

It’s not all been wasted time today though; I  spent the first hour of the day composing the following letter to Barnet Parking Services in regard to a totally unjust parking fine. See what you think:

Dear Shit-balls,

Are you fucking retarded? Did you even bother to read my explanation? I did buy a ticket from your fucking pay-by-phone service, even though I now have to pay a minimum charge of £1 (twice the previous amount) AND a charge for using the frigging service I never wanted to use in the first place. It took me 2o minutes to register on your crappy website and give you all my details and then buy the ticket, by which time you’d issued the fine.

You massive fuckwads.

Kind Regards

C Jacobs.

Okay, I didn’t actually send that; I sent a nice polite letter outlining their errors. I didn’t use the word fuckwad once. I did however use my standard ploy when dealing with bureaucratic cornholes of copying their superiors in to the e-mail, in this case the chief exec. of Barnet Council. That usually gets them to pull their fingers out.

And in regards to my buy-nothing project, just 1 coffee to day. Here it is:


Not bad, huh? ( I mean me not buying much; the coffee looks pretty ordinary).

And today’s haiku:

Mild again today.

It’s hardly felt like winter.

I’m glad; cold sucks balls.



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