Coffee, opera and punching dogs

Posted: June 18, 2012 in coffee, crouch end, Writing
Tags: , , , , ,

Took advantage of the brief respite from the shitting rain to visit the beautiful Grove Cafe in Alexandra Park today. Set in a magical little area in the north west corner of the park, surrounded by pine trees and only marred by all the dogs whose fucktarded owners seem to think everyone likes a slobbering, dog-food reeking animal jumping around and trying to lick their food/child/balls, it is AP’s best kept secret. The Grove Cafe is run by a real-life Italian dude who sings opera and makes good coffee: my macch was so tiny you could barely see it, but strong and like I imagine real Italians have it.

They do good food too: panini, breakfasts etc. The menu is a little quirky and sort of seasonal, doing things like mulled wine in winter and excellent Marine Ices in summer as well as a few other random things. The blackboard outside often lags behind the kitchen, so always best to ask. My fave is the oddly named baguette Anglaise with heaps of melted brie and bacon. And they stick olives in everything.

Re the dogs, I have employed two different tactics to try and encourage their owners to keep them on their leads.

Strategy 1 (artful and effective): approaching any dog owner whose dog is off its lead (totally contrary to the clearly stated notices, you anti-social fuckwads), I mention that there are plain-clothed dog wardens who are handing out on-the-spot fines, and that I was hit with one such fine just the other day for my own dear lop-eared poodle terrier (or whatever).  Best put little shit-balls on his lead now, huh?

Strategy 2 (forthright, less effective but way more satisfying): loudly abuse  any dog owner whose dog starts trying to eat my food, flatten my kids or otherwise get in my freakin’ way, employing  a full repertoire of urban dictionary inspired swearwords and obliqe but clearly ungenerous and disturbing insults. My wife prefers it when I use strategy 1.

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Comments
  1. […] they’re no longer there; I think they had them all shot.  And unlike the fatally flawed Grove Café nearby, no dogs. Maybe they had them shot […]

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