The Honeycomb Cafe – N8

It hurts me to write this post, it really does. I am not only having to write my second crappy review in a row (by which I mean review of crappy place, not badly written, obv!), but it is also of a Crouch End Favourite that holds fond memories for me. But there you go.

When my daughter was born I would spend many a Sunday morning at The Honeycomb Cafe drinking coffee, eating their delicious panini and sucking up the heavenly smell of freshly baked bread from the bakery at the back of the shop. The wait staff were professional and friendly and they were cool about baby vomit and what have you. I haven’t been to The Honeycomb for a few years and I’m sorry to report that things have changed.

Firstly, they don’t appear to have menus. Anywhere. Not on the tables, not on the wall… I mean cafes all pretty much sell the same stuff, sure, but still. You kind of feel a little lost without something in writing.

Then, they  screwed up my (pretty goddamn simple) request to 86 the chocolate on my cappuccino, then obviously remembered and tried to wipe the chocolate off leaving this rather interesting pattern:

I ordered a cheese and tomato panini for old time’s sake, and it was just like I remembered it, good, and with a nice little Greek salad on the side, here it is:

looks nice, right?

WRONG!

And so here it is, the one truly unforgivable sin that any cafe can commit… the avocado was ROCK HARD. Now tell me I’m not exaggerating, that shit is just not right, homes! Someone in that kitchen needs the sack tout de fucking suite.

The other thing that burned me (and admittedly I was now in a poor mood following the avocado fiasco), was that the waitress tried to clear my unfinished coffee and plate away 3 times before I was anywhere near finished. I’ve mentioned before this does not sit well. It also reminded me of the time I was having lunch with my mum in Carluccio’s and the well-meaning but fucking irritating wait staff kept trying to pour our wine despite my repeated instructions to leave it the fuck alone. I know they’re doing it so you drink more, buy another bottle, get a bigger bill and consequently leave a bigger tip, but this got to the point where I honestly thought it had gone beyond that and that was an intent behind it that made me think these fucks were looking at me and thinking “damn that dude looks like he needs a drink!”

They, nor the Honeycomb got a tip from me.

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